she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
