I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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