it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't deserve a penis
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
