The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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