the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
