I CAN MOONWALK!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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