I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
