he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
