areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
