I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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