Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
