i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
