Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
