I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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