even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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