doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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