In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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