He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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