You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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