She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
