anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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