Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
NoShamevember. You game?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
