In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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