I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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