He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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