what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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