A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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