Cold hands, warm shart.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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