McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
