so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
