used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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