Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
