Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
