When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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