So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
