I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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