that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
