i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
