Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
