Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
