Umm I'm too high to move.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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