capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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