3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im part way to drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
