She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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