just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
