dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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