I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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