Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
