listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
