i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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