I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
