This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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