So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
