I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
