I'm going to jail i love you
handjob tips. give me some.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
