Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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