nut hugger
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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