i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
