it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize