I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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