Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
