whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
