Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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