i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize