I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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