I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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