is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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