I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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