fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
