i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize