ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
