Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're like the curious george of whores
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
